Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
