Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
