you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
