help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Please don't give away my fajitas
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