so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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