I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
