closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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