I heard we made out
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
