I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
