She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
