Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
