we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
