just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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