I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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