woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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