I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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