Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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