if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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