"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
