I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My feet surprised me
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