Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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