dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
