We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
