I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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