We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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