Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
