Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
