Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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