I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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