i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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