I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
