shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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