im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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