it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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