i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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