I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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