Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
