I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
