took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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