you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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