Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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