I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
