She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
