I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
