bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
