Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
