Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
