Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize