Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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