am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
