Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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