Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
