Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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