I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
