i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
