her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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