I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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