I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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