New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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