im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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