the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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