Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
