Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
