Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
