you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
