youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sponge bath it is.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
