She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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