We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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