I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
