Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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