Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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