it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
