Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
