Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
