Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
